<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>The Mental Group Chat by TheWeirdOnes</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25808884">The Mental Group Chat</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheWeirdOnes/pseuds/TheWeirdOnes'>TheWeirdOnes</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Discoveries and Insanity (in Camelot) [3]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Merlin (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Crack, Gen, I have no shame, Mordred is good, More tags might be added, chatfic, or they night not, what if speaking in heads was like a group chat</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-04-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 11:23:05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>9</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>4,609</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25808884</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheWeirdOnes/pseuds/TheWeirdOnes</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>If Mordred, Merlin and Kilgarrah speaking in their heads was like a group chat, I believe it would go kinda like this. Shenanigans ensue, please read!<br/>New chapters as often as possible</p><p>**Update** Everyone's here now and it's all gone to pot. Enjoy!</p><p>-LowFlyingOctopus</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>gwaine and merlin</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Discoveries and Insanity (in Camelot) [3]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1844968</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>155</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. That's A Thing Now?!</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>
    <em>~~~Merlin and Mordred Private Chat~~~</em>
  </strong>
</p><p><strong>Mordred:</strong> <em>Emrys</em></p><p><strong>Merlin:</strong> What the heck, Mordred?!!</p><p><strong>Mordred</strong>: I have made us a group chat so we can talk more freely</p><p><strong>Merlin</strong>: <em>That's a thing now?</em> It might be useful though, now that your a knight and all</p><p><strong>Mordred:</strong> :D</p><p><strong>Merlin:</strong> Please never do that again</p><p><strong>Mordred: </strong>can I add the dragon to this chat?</p><p><strong>Merlin</strong>: <strong><em>NO!</em></strong> I get enough "advice" <em>*cough*</em> spam <em>*cough*</em> as it is</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>~~~Kilgarrah is added to the chat~~~</em>
  </strong>
</p><p><strong>Mordred:</strong> Hi!</p><p>
  <strong>Merlin:</strong>
  <em> MORDRED!!</em>
  <em>!</em>
</p><p><strong>Mordred:</strong> He added himself!</p><p><strong>Kilgarrah</strong>: Hello, young warlock</p><p><strong>Kilgarrah:</strong> you've been ignoring my advice</p><p><strong>Merlin</strong>: Noo-oooooooooo</p><p><strong>Kilgarrah:</strong> didn't I say beware Arthurs bane, you are in a group chat with him</p><p><strong>Mordred</strong>: I'm still here y'know, and I have a name</p><p><strong>Merlin:</strong> shut up Mordred</p><p><strong>Kilgarrah:</strong> shut up Mordred</p><p><strong>Mordred</strong>: :'''(</p><p><strong>Kilgarrah:</strong> what are these dots and squiggles I keep seeing in my brain?</p><p><strong>Mordred:</strong> e-mental-cons, they're a way of showing emotion without saying</p><p><strong>Merlin</strong>: that's a thing now?</p><p><strong>Mordred</strong>: totally</p><p><strong>Kilgarrah:</strong> the things you young 'uns can do with these mental chats is remarkable. When I was young-</p><p><strong>Merlin:</strong> a-and let's stop right there</p><p><strong>Kilgarrah</strong>: you <em>cannot</em> cut into my mental typing, young warlock</p><p><strong>Merlin:</strong> I can, it's in my head</p><p><strong>Mordred</strong>: can we have an f in chat for Kilgarrah?</p><p><strong>Merlin:</strong> f</p><p><strong>Mordred</strong>: f</p><p><strong>Merlin:</strong> what is <em>'typing'</em> anyway?</p><p><strong>Mordred:</strong> no clue</p><p><strong>Kilgarrah:</strong> what is this f in chat business? is it a spell? you aren't going to turn me into a rabbit again are you?</p><p><strong>Mordred</strong>: it's a way of paying respects, and also, that's a thing now?</p><p><strong>Merlin</strong>: possibly.... It was an accident!!</p><p><strong>Kilgarrah:</strong> turning me into a rabbit is not a 'thing', Merlin</p><p><strong>Merlin:</strong> you used my name :D</p><p><strong>Mordred:</strong> I've gotta go, Arthur wants all the knights for training</p><p><strong>Kilgarrah</strong>: that's an excuse, isn't it?</p><p><strong>Merlin:</strong> come back here you coward! This is a <em>MENTAL</em> chat, you can think and train, can't you?</p><p><strong>Kilgarrah:</strong> never mind, young warlock; besides, I've been meaning to speak with you</p><p><strong>Merlin</strong>: oh no...</p><p><strong>Kilgarrah:</strong> this is no joking matter, I-</p><p><strong>Merlin:</strong> brb!</p><p><strong>Kilgarrah:</strong> what does that mean? Stop cutting into my thoughts!!</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>~~~Gwaine is added to the chat~~~</em>
  </strong>
</p><p><strong>Gwaine:</strong> wassup folks and dragon?</p><p><strong>Kilgarrah</strong>: wut?</p><p><strong>Merlin:</strong> I linked our minds!!</p><p><strong>Kilgarrah:</strong> that's a thing now?</p><p><strong>Gwaine:</strong> why am I the only normal person in a chat with magical people and a dragon?</p><p><strong>Merlin:</strong> <em>normal?!!</em></p><p><strong>Mordred</strong>: I'm back!</p><p><strong>Mordred:</strong> <em>NORMAL??!!!</em></p><p><strong>Kilgarrah:</strong> I don't know who you are but... <em>NORMAL???!!!!!</em></p><p><strong>Mordred:</strong> burn... can we have an f in chat for Gwaine</p><p><strong>Merlin:</strong> f... but I regret nothing</p><p><strong>Kilgarrah:</strong> f... but I still don't know who he is</p><p><strong>Mordred</strong>: f</p><p><strong>Merlin:</strong> You are here Gwaine for some much needed sanity and so that there is someone on my side</p><p><strong>Mordred:</strong> ...!</p><p><strong>Kilgarrah:</strong> ...</p><p><strong>Merlin:</strong> oh... <em>wait</em></p><p><strong>Merlin</strong>: yeah...</p><p><strong>Merlin:</strong> <em>WHAT WAS I THINKING???!!!!!</em></p><p><strong>Gwaine:</strong> I found a mental button!</p><p><strong>Merlin:</strong> that's great... Gwaine</p><p>
  <em>
    <strong>Gwaine changed Merlin's nickname to shouty-dragon-man</strong>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <strong>Gwaine changed Kilgarrah's nickname to Bunny-KillJoy</strong>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <strong>Gwaine changed Mordred's nickname to The-Muffin-Man</strong>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <strong>Gwaine changed his own nickname to The-Dude</strong>
  </em>
</p><p><strong>shouty-dragon-man:</strong> srsly??</p><p><strong>Bunny-KillJoy:</strong> Bunny-KillJoy?</p><p><strong>shouty-dragon-man</strong>: this is a thing now?!!</p><p><strong>Bunny-KillJoy:</strong> <em>Bunny-KillJoy?!!!</em></p><p><strong>shouty-dragon-man:</strong> more like bunny-killjOY!!</p><p><strong>The-Dude</strong>: lols</p><p><strong>Mordred:</strong> I don't know what to think</p><p>
  <strong>Bunny-KillJoy: <em>BUNNY-KILLJOY???!!!!!!!!!!</em></strong>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Where Nicknames Come True</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>read the title, read the chapter, that's all there is to it :)</p><p>-LowFlyingOctopus</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>just so you know, do not expect any level of sanity in this chapter (or fic at all)..... Enjoy!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Shouty-Dragon-Man Changed his nickname to dragonlord</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Dragonlord changed the-dude’s nickname to jester</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Dragonlord updated his status to ‘I’m busy practising magic, bother someone else’</strong>
</p><p><strong>Jester</strong>: oi!</p><p><strong>Jester</strong>: that’s MY button</p><p><strong>Muffin-man</strong>: can we have an f in chat for Gwaine?</p><p><strong>Bunny-KillJoy</strong>: f</p><p><strong>Muffin-man</strong>: f</p><p><strong>Dragonlord</strong>: f</p><p><strong>Dragonlord</strong>: um… guys?</p><p><strong>Jester</strong>: yes?</p><p><strong>Muffin-man</strong>: yes?</p><p><strong>Bunny-KillJoy</strong>: Yaaasss?</p><p><strong>Dragonlord</strong>: I may of accidentally turned myself into a cat…</p><p><strong>Bunny-killjoy</strong>: what?</p><p><strong>Jester</strong>: wow</p><p><strong>Muffin-man</strong>: again?</p><p><strong>Jester</strong>: he’s done this before?</p><p><strong>Dragonlord</strong>: nooooo…</p><p><strong>Muffin-man</strong>: he has</p><p><strong>Muffin-man</strong>: twice</p><p><strong>Dragonlord</strong>: shut up Mordred</p><p><strong>Dragonlord</strong>: you’re no help</p><p>
  <strong>Dragonlord has changed muffin-man’s nickname to unhelpful</strong>
</p><p><strong>Unhelpful</strong>: :(</p><p><strong>Jester</strong>: still my button</p><p><strong>Dragonlord</strong>: shut up Gwaine</p><p><strong>Unhelpful</strong>: shut up Gwaine</p><p><strong>Bunny-killjoy</strong>: shut up Gwaine</p><p><strong>Jester</strong>: myyy Precioussss</p><p><strong>Unhelpful</strong>: scary</p><p><strong>Bunny-killjoy</strong>: reminds me of someone…</p><p><strong>Dragonlord</strong>: please can we get back to my slight issue?</p><p><strong>Jester</strong>: why? What’s wrong with being a cat?</p><p><strong>Dragonlord</strong>: Arthur… may have a problem</p><p><strong>Unhelpful</strong>: just tell him you were cursed</p><p><strong>Jester:</strong> But... cats can't speak?</p><p><strong>Dragonlord</strong>: Mordred come help now or I’ll show Arthur the druidic artefacts you’re hiding in your room</p><p><strong>Unhelpful</strong>: yes boss</p><hr/><p><strong>Jester</strong>: fixed him yet?</p><p><strong>Dragonlord</strong>: he’s living up to his name as ‘unhelpful’</p><p><strong>Dragonlord</strong>: I am now a horse</p><p><strong>Bunny-killjoy</strong>: no comment</p><p><strong>Jester</strong>: this is awesome!</p><p><strong>Dragonlord</strong>: I am never giving you spell lessons again Mordred</p><p><strong>Unhelpful</strong>: :’’(</p><p><strong>Bunny-killjoy</strong>: you cannot protect Arthur as a horse, Merlin</p><p><strong>Dragonlord</strong>: well, what am I going to do??!!!</p><p><strong>Jester</strong>: you should tell Arthur… or at least get us to</p><p><strong>Dragonlord</strong>: not an option, Gwaine!!!</p><p><strong>Bunny-killjoy</strong>: the knight is right (though it pains me to say it)</p><p><strong>Dragonlord</strong>: what?</p><p><strong>Unhelpful</strong>: what?!</p><p><strong>Jester</strong>: <em>WHAT??!!</em></p><p><strong>Bunny-killjoy</strong>: say that you were enchanted, Arthur will do anything to get you ‘normal’ again</p><p><strong>Unhelpful</strong>: …normal?</p><p><strong>Jester</strong>: yeah, I know… scary thought</p><p><strong>Bunny-killjoy</strong>: just go tell Arthur</p><hr/><p><strong>Jester</strong>: ….. he’s having conniptions</p><p><strong>Jester</strong>: then Gaius said ‘It would be Merlin, wouldn’t it…’</p><p><strong>Dragonlord</strong>: you don’t need to rub it in, Gwaine!</p><p><strong>Unhelpful</strong>: now we’re all on a mission to find a cure, thanks a bunch, Merlin</p><p><strong>Dragonlord</strong>: <em>YOU TURNED ME INTO A HORSE</em></p><p><strong>Unhelpful</strong>: you turned yourself into a cat</p><p><strong>Dragonlord</strong>: and a very nice cat it was, too</p><p><strong>Bunny-killjoy</strong>: stop horsing around, both of you!</p><p><strong>Dragonlord</strong>: ………</p><p><strong>Unhelpful</strong>: ………</p><p><strong>Jester</strong>: lol</p><p><strong>Dragonlord</strong>: GWAINE!!!!!!!!!</p><p><strong>Jester</strong>: sorry mate, just FOALING around!</p><p><strong>Unhelpful</strong>: that was quite good, actually</p><p><strong>Dragonlord</strong>: I hate you both</p><p><strong>Jester</strong>: we can live with that</p><p><strong>Unhelpful</strong>: totally</p><p><strong>Bunny-killjoy</strong>: I’ve got one! What has four hooves and the name of a hawk? Merlin!!</p><p><strong>Dragonlord</strong>: aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa</p><p><strong>Jester</strong>: that’s great, Kilgarrah</p><p><strong>Unhelpful</strong>: I’m in stitches….</p><p><strong>Dragonlord</strong>: aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa</p><p><strong>Dragonlord</strong>: ya done now?</p><p><strong>Jester</strong>: no</p><p><strong>Unhelpful</strong>: for now…</p><p><strong>Bunny-killjoy</strong>: mine was the best</p><p><strong>Bunny-killjoy</strong>: and you cannot disagree because I breathe fire</p><p><strong>Jester</strong>: drat</p><p><strong>Unhelpful</strong>: darn</p><p><strong>Dragonlord</strong>: yes darn those socks, Mordred!!!</p><p><strong>Jester</strong>: what?</p><p><strong>Bunny-killjoy</strong>: what?</p><p><strong>Unhelpful</strong>: I don’t even want to know….</p><p><strong>Dragonlord</strong>: on a completely unrelated note, do you know how many of Arthur’s socks need mending?</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. LOL (Love Our Lizards)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>this is so mad I can't even summarise it</p><p>-LowFlyingOctopus</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I'm so sorry this hasn't been updated in ages but Scottish schools have just started again after he world ended and I've been really busy with school and then DEATH BY HOMEWORK, so the only reason I was able to get this done is because I'm off sick and BORED OUT OF MY MIND. so anyway my boredom is what I blame for this... mess of a chapter and please make sure your sanity is wearing a seatbelt as you enjoy the ride.</p><p>-LowFlyingOctopus</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p><strong>Bunny-Killjoy</strong>: how goes the quest, Merlin?<br/><br/><strong>Dragonlord</strong>: not well…<br/><br/><strong>Bunny-killjoy</strong>: care to evaluate?<br/><br/><strong>Dragonlord</strong>: not particularly<br/><br/><strong>Dragonlord</strong>: but if I don’t Gwaine will<br/><br/><strong>Jester</strong>: darn right!<br/><br/><strong>Dragonlord</strong>: the knights keep making horse puns<br/><br/><strong>Dragonlord</strong>: there is no ‘cure’ that isn’t provided by a sorcerer<br/><br/><strong>Dragonlord</strong>: and just yesterday when we stopped for the night at an inn Arthur had a lot of fun instructing the stable boys on how ‘particular’ I am<br/><br/><strong>Bunny-killjoy</strong>: I … I can’t … <em>hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaaha</em><br/><br/><strong>Dragonlord</strong>: That is the most horrifying mental experience I’ve ever had<br/><br/><strong>Unhelpful</strong>: IT’S ECHOING IN MY BRAIN<br/><br/><strong>Unhelpful</strong>: WHAT IS IT???<br/><br/><strong>Jester</strong>: oh, you hear it too? I thought it was just the ale playing tricks on me<br/><br/><strong>Unhelpful</strong>: if that’s what ale does I’m never drinking<br/><br/><strong>Dragonlord</strong>: good boy Mordred<br/><br/><strong>Unhelpful</strong>: :D<br/><br/><strong>Bunny-killjoy</strong>: <em>hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha</em><br/><br/><strong>Jester</strong>: this is more horrifying than any ale-induced hallucination… even worse than the duck<br/><br/><strong>Unhelpful</strong>: <em>MAKE IT STOP!!!!!!</em><br/><br/><strong>Dragonlord</strong>: because me commanding a dragon is such a good idea right now…<br/><br/><strong>Jester</strong>: the look on your face then mate… I never knew horses could be sarcastic<br/><br/><strong>Dragonlord</strong>: right… that’s it<br/><br/><strong>Unhelpful</strong>: oof<br/><br/><strong>Unhelpful</strong>: that looked painful<br/><br/><strong>Bunny-killjoy</strong>: <em>mmf</em>, wha-<em>hehe</em>, what happened?<br/><br/><strong>Unhelpful</strong>: merlin kicked him<br/><br/><strong>Bunny-killjoy</strong>: <em>hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!</em><br/><br/><strong>Unhelpful</strong>: not again<br/><br/><strong>Bunny-killjoy</strong>: I’ll stop now<br/><br/><strong>Unhelpful</strong>: thanks<br/><br/><strong>Unhelpful</strong>: whilst the others are otherwise engaged can I ask you something?<br/><br/><strong>Bunny-killjoy</strong>: do not expect a straight answer<br/><br/><strong>Unhelpful</strong>: no… I’m used to that<br/><br/><strong>Unhelpful</strong>: why do you hate me?<br/><br/><strong>Unhelpful</strong>: and is that why merlin tried to kill me five times?<br/><br/><strong>Bunny-killjoy</strong>: only five? I shall have words with the young warlock later<br/><br/><strong>Unhelpful</strong>: … answer the question<br/><br/><strong>Bunny-killjoy</strong>: I do not hate you, but I hate what you will become. You are Arthur’s bane, you will bring about the death of a king and the destruction of a future.<br/><br/><strong>Unhelpful</strong>: darn it<br/><br/><strong>Bunny-killjoy</strong>: I just told you that your destiny is to break Merlin and Arthur’s world and all you can say is darn it?!!<br/><br/><strong>Unhelpful</strong>: I quite like Camelot<br/><br/><strong>Unhelpful</strong>: and I haven’t even seen it in the holiday season yet<br/><br/><strong>Bunny-killjoy</strong>: yes well I was here for some time but I didn’t really get out much<br/><br/><strong>Unhelpful</strong>: oh really? Not much of an outdoor person- *ahem* dragon are you?<br/><br/><strong>Bunny-killjoy</strong>: lets just say I was ‘tied down’ by a few disabling factors</p><p><strong>Unhelpful</strong>: lol<br/><br/><strong>Bunny-killjoy</strong>: and what exactly does that mean?<br/><br/><strong>Unhelpful</strong>: it- err… means… love our lizards, meaning dragons of course<br/><br/><strong>Bunny-killjoy</strong>: how very considerate of you, you are my new favourite person (after the young warlock, of course) we should make an lol club!<br/><br/><strong>Unhelpful</strong>: oh, err- of course!<br/><br/><strong>(DM from unhelpful to dragonlord</strong>: help me the dragon has pressganged me into a lol club!)<br/><br/><strong>(DM from dragonlord to unhelpful</strong>: lol! Wait… how did you manage that?)<br/><br/>(<strong>DM from unhelpful to dragonlord:</strong> he thinks it means ‘love our lizards!’)<br/><br/>(<strong>DM from unhelpful to dragonlord</strong>: <em>MERLIN HELP ME</em>)<br/><br/>(<strong>DM from dragonlord to unhelpful</strong>: can’t… breathe)<br/><br/>(<strong>DM from unhelpful to dragonlord</strong>: <em>MERLIN HE WANTS TO HAVE CLUB BADGES</em>)<br/><br/><strong>Jester</strong>: why is merlin-horse hyperventilating?<br/><br/><strong>Unhelpful</strong>: he’s laughing<br/><br/><strong>Jester</strong>: oh<br/><br/><strong>Bunny-killjoy</strong>: ah, Gwaine; just in time for you to witness the adoption of my new Grandson<br/><br/><strong>Jester</strong>: wut?<br/><br/><strong>Unhelpful</strong>: <em>oh no</em><br/><br/><strong>Dragonlord</strong>: I’m dying here!<br/><br/><strong>Unhelpful</strong>: I have a bad feeling about this<br/><br/><strong>Bunny-killjoy</strong>: Mordred, is it your wish to be my grandson?<br/><br/><strong>Unhelpful</strong>: no<br/><br/><strong>Bunny-killjoy</strong>: you don’t get an opinion<br/><br/><strong>Unhelpful</strong>: <em>MERLIN PLEASE HELP ME I’LL DO ANYTHING EVEN WASH ARTHUR’S SOCKS-</em><br/><br/><strong>Dragonlord</strong>: now that is desperate<br/><br/><strong>Bunny-killjoy</strong>: I now pronounce us grandfather and grandson<br/><br/><strong>Jester</strong>: this is the saddest, most beautiful day of my life<br/><br/><strong>Dragonlord</strong>: <em>omw</em> he’s actually sobbing<br/><br/><strong><em>Bunny-killjoy changed his unhelpful's nickname to grandson</em></strong><br/><br/><strong>Grandson: </strong>whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy<br/><br/><strong>Dragonlord</strong>: I just realised the Arthur’s looking concerned<br/><br/><strong>Dragonlord</strong>: I don’t think two sobbing knights and a hysterical Merlin-horse are things he sees often<br/><br/><strong>Jester</strong>: can’t think why<br/><br/><strong>Grandson</strong>: *<em>sniff</em>*<br/><br/><strong>Jester</strong>: can we have an f in chat for Mordred?<br/><br/><strong>Dragonlord</strong>: f… but I’m still dying over here<br/><br/><strong>Bunny-KillJoy</strong>: f<br/><br/><strong>Grandson</strong>: right that’s it<br/><br/><em><strong>Grandson changed dragonlord’s nickname to Horsey</strong></em><br/><br/><em><strong>Grandson changed his own nickname to innocent</strong></em><br/><br/><em><strong>Innocent changed Bunny-KillJoy's nickname to scary</strong></em><br/><br/><strong>Jester</strong>: aww<br/><br/><strong>Jester</strong>: poor Mordred<br/><br/><strong>Jester</strong>: poor innocent Mordred<br/><br/><strong>Jester</strong>: poor innocent pressganged Mordred<br/><br/><strong>Horsey</strong>: HORSEY??!!!<br/><br/><strong>Horsey</strong>: I’m being mentally assaulted day and night whilst trying to keep Arthur alive and my magic a secret at the same time!<br/><br/><strong>Horsey</strong>: and everyone’s so sorry for poor little Mordred and I’m over here being turned into a horse and dubbed ‘horsey’<br/><br/><strong>Horsey</strong>: I’m sick and tired of being ignored<em>, I JUST WANT TO BE ACCEPTED MAGICAL OR NOT IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK?</em><br/><br/><strong>Jester</strong>: he hasn’t noticed yet<br/><br/><strong>Innocent</strong>: he’ll realise in a moment<br/><br/><strong>Jester</strong>: 5<br/><br/><strong>Innocent</strong>: 4<br/><br/><strong>Jester</strong>: 3<br/><br/><strong>Innocent</strong>:2<br/><br/><strong>Jester</strong>: 1<br/><br/><strong>Horsey</strong>: <em>I’M HUMAN AGAIN!!!!!</em><br/><br/><strong>Horsey</strong>: <em>OMW WAS I A HUMAN MY ENTIRE RANT??? DID ARTHUR HEAR ALL OF IT???</em><br/><br/><strong>Innocent</strong>: yup XD<br/><br/><strong>Jester</strong>: totally<br/><br/><strong>Horsey</strong>: <strong>rip</strong> me I guess<br/><br/><strong>Scary</strong><em>: #lol</em><br/><br/><strong>Scary</strong>: join the movement, free all dragons!<br/><br/><strong>Scary</strong>: how’s that for a club motto Mordred?<br/><br/><strong>Scary</strong>: btw you’re mascot<br/><br/><strong>Jester</strong>: what are those crossed over lines<br/><br/><strong>Scary</strong>: beats me<br/><br/><strong>Horsey</strong>: can we please focus on my impending doom?<br/><br/><strong>Jester</strong>: don’t worry, Arthur only thinks you were disoriented<br/><br/><strong>Horsey</strong>: oh thank goodness<br/><br/><strong>Horsey</strong>: I can breathe again<br/><br/><strong>Innocent</strong>: on the other hand Sir Leon keeps shooting you strange glances<br/><br/><strong>Horsey</strong>: oh, that’s alright; Leon know about my magic. How do you thing he’s immortal?<br/><br/><strong>Innocent</strong>: <em>WHAT</em><br/><br/><strong>Scary</strong>: <em>WHAT</em><br/><br/><strong>Jester</strong>: <em>WHAT, WHY WASN’T I THE FIRST KNIGHT TO KNOW ABOUT YOUR MAGIC?</em></p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. "YOU'RE IN ON THIS, TOO?!!"</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Things... Escalated.</p><p>-LowFlyingOctopus</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hello everyone! I'm so sorry this hasn't been updated in ages, as I have been really busy with an issue at school; however, the issue has been cleared now so I should be posting fairly regularly from now, and seeing all your lovely comments has really encouraged me to begin working on my fics again.<br/>-LowFlyingOctopus</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p><strong>Jester</strong>: MERLIN WHY DID YOU TELL LEON ABOUT YOUR MAGIC BEFORE ME???</p><p><strong>Horsey:</strong> I didn't tell him!!! He just, kinda, found out...</p><p><strong>Jester</strong>: How?</p><p><strong>Horsey:</strong> Well... He kept on trying to sacrifice himself for Arthur</p><p><strong>Jester</strong>: A noble cause, to be sure</p><p><strong>Horsey</strong>: Which is <em>my</em> job anyway, as I am the only one who can do it and <em>survive</em></p><p><strong>Jester</strong>: so far...</p><p><strong>Horsey</strong>: And so I felt sorry for him and made him immortal, he found out and only freaked out a little bit</p><p><strong>Jester</strong>: <em>REALLY?</em></p><p><strong>Horsey</strong>: No. He totally lost it.</p><p><strong>Horsey</strong>: That was until Gwen whacked him with a pan</p><p><strong>Jester</strong>: GWEN'S IN ON THIS TOO!??!!</p><p><strong>Horsey</strong>: No. She just likes whacking folks with pans.</p><p><strong>Jester:</strong> So between Gwen's pans and Arthur throwing inanimate objects in your direction are you ever bruise free?</p><p><strong>Horsey</strong>: Not even slightly</p><p><strong>Jester</strong>: LOL</p><p><strong>Scary:</strong> YOU'RE IN ON THE<strong> LOVE OUR LIZARDS</strong> CAMPAIGN TOO NOW GWAINE???!!</p><p><strong>Jester</strong>: No.</p><p><strong>Scary</strong>: THIS IS WONDERFUL!!!! I MUST TELL MORDRED!!!</p><p><strong>Jester</strong>: Help me.</p><p><strong>Horsey</strong>: LO- <em>ahem,</em> I think I'll pass</p><p><strong>Innocent</strong>: It's a campaign now?</p><p><strong>Scary</strong>: It's always been a campaign, as our manager/mascot, you should know that</p><p><strong>Innocent:</strong>  Uh, What- Never mind...</p><p><strong>Horsey</strong>: And what, exactly, are you campaigning for?</p><p><strong>Scary</strong>: Equal right as citizens, blood tithes every month and a newborn-</p><p><strong>Horsey</strong>: I knew there must of been a reason Uther locked you up</p><p><strong>Scary</strong>: Touché</p><p><strong>Jester</strong>: This campaign sounds... Interesting</p><p><strong>Scary:</strong> Not merely interesting, it will be WONDERFUL!! It shall be the movement of the age; and all shall bow before my glorious might!!</p><p><strong>Jester</strong>: I stand corrected</p><p><strong>Horsey:</strong>  Are you alright, Mordred? You're being very quiet</p><p><strong>Innocent</strong>: Morgana's in the castle</p><p><strong>Jester</strong>: AAAAANOTAGAINAREYOUKIDDINGMEAAAAA...</p><p><strong>Scary:</strong> You must protect the king, Merlin; you alone are-</p><p><strong>Jester</strong>: SHUTUPDRAGONYOUARENOTHELPINGAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA...</p><p><strong>Horsey:</strong> GWAINE HYPERVENTILTING DOES NOT HELP ANYONE</p><p><strong>Horsey</strong>: BESIDES WHICH HAVING A BREAKDOWN IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ARMOURY IS PROBABLY WHY YOU HAVE A REPUTATION</p><p><strong>Jester</strong>: I HAVE A REPUTATION???</p><p><strong>Innocent</strong>: MERLIN, STOP GIVING LIFE ADVICE IN THE MIDDLE OF A CRISIS!!!!!!!</p><p><strong>Jester</strong>: I'M <em>HAVING</em> A CRISIS!!!!!</p><p><strong>Innocent</strong>: YOU'RE TOO YOUNG TO BE HAVING A MID-LIFE CRISIS GWAINE</p><p><strong>Morgana</strong>: Hello boys</p><p><strong>Innocent</strong>: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA</p><p><strong>Jester</strong>: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA</p><p><strong>Horsey:</strong> AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA</p><p><strong>Scary:</strong> <em><strong>changed Morgana's name to baby-stealer</strong></em></p><p><strong>Scary</strong>: GIVE BACK THE HATCHLING, WITCH</p><p><strong>Baby-Stealer: </strong>The little dragon?</p><p><strong>Horsey</strong>: YOU STOLE THE BABY???!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!</p><p><strong>Jester</strong>: What baby?</p><p><strong>Horse</strong>: MY BABY????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!</p><p><strong>Innocent:</strong> Biologically you cannot-</p><p><strong>Horsey</strong>: MY LITTLE PRECIOUS???!!!!</p><p><strong>Baby-Stealer</strong>: take it back</p><p><strong>Scary:</strong> what?</p><p><strong>Innocent</strong>: what?</p><p><strong>Jester:</strong> what? </p><p><strong>Horsey</strong>: why?</p><p><strong>Baby-Stealer</strong>: and somehow I cannot defeat these fools... <strong>I SAID TAKE IT BACK!!!!</strong></p><p><strong>Scary:</strong> Any particular reason?</p><p><strong>Baby-Stealer:</strong> Teething issues</p><p><strong>Jester</strong>: lol</p><p><strong>Aithusa:</strong> DADA?</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Merlin's Child (and problems caused by same)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Morgana loses it (did she ever have it???) also pranks - and a surprise - though I won't give you any hints</p><p>-LowFlyingOctopus</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Sorry for the late chapter, please enjoy!<br/>-LowFlyingOctopus</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p><strong>Aithusa</strong>: Dada?</p><p><strong>Jester: </strong>awww.... </p><p><strong>Jester:</strong> <em><strong>changed Aithusa's name to baby</strong></em></p><p><strong>Innocent: </strong>does this mean I'm not the baby anymore?</p><p><strong>Scary: </strong>you'll always be my child, Mordred</p><p><strong>Innocent</strong>: Help...</p><p><strong>Baby-Stealer: </strong>Mordred why do you even stay with these people?</p><p><strong>Innocent:</strong> Because they are not even remotely as scary as you are</p><p><strong>Innocent:</strong> Because I actually like them and I don't like you anymore</p><p>
  <strong>Jester: <em>BOOM!!</em></strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Horsey: <em>HA! </em></strong>
</p><p><strong>Innocent</strong>: and because I need to help Emrys</p><p><strong>Baby-Stealer</strong>: <em><strong>WHAT???</strong></em></p><p><strong>Jester: </strong>who?</p><p><strong>Horsey: </strong>Oh well done, Mordred</p><p><strong>Baby-Stealer:</strong> <strong><em>EMRYS IS HERE? AS IN INSIDE THE CASTLE???</em></strong></p><p><strong>Innocent: </strong>No</p><p><strong>Horsey: </strong>absolutely not</p><p>
  <strong>Baby-Stealer: <em>I'M GOING TO KILL HIM, TELL ME WHERE HE IS!! TELL ME!!</em></strong>
</p><p><strong>Jester</strong>: what is even going on?</p><p><strong>Scary:</strong> I'm not entirely sure...</p><p><strong>Innocent:</strong> that's a first</p><p>
  <strong>Baby-Stealer: <em>TELL. ME.</em></strong>
</p><p><strong>Horsey: </strong>well, we don't really know where he is, per se</p><p><strong>Innocent: </strong>we just do the occasional-</p><p><strong>Baby-Stealer:</strong> <strong><em>SHUT UP AND TELL ME</em></strong></p><p><strong>Jester: </strong>which one first?</p><p><strong>Innocent: </strong>that's a good point, how do we tell you when we're shutting up?</p><p><strong>Horsey: </strong>yes, an excellent-</p><p><strong>Baby-Stealer: ...</strong>this is why I left Camelot</p><hr/><p><strong>Innocent: </strong>has she gone?</p><p><strong>Scary</strong>: apparently so</p><p><strong>Horsey</strong>: uh oh</p><p><strong>Jester: </strong>what have you done <em>this</em> time?</p><p><strong>Horsey:</strong> and what, pray tell, do you mean by that Gwaine??</p><p><strong>Jester:</strong> I mean as opposed to last time</p><p><strong>Innocent: </strong>a-aand the collective IQ in the room reaches a ground-breaking low</p><p><strong>Horsey:</strong> <em><strong>everyone shut up!!!</strong></em></p><p><strong>Scary: </strong>don't be rude, Merlin</p><p>
  <strong>Horsey: <em>Shut up!!</em></strong>
</p><p><strong>Horsey: </strong>I'm trying to explain to Arthur why there's a dragon in Camelot!</p><p><strong>Scary:</strong> strange, I thought he knew</p><p>
  <strong>Horsey: <em>A BABY DRAGON</em></strong>
</p><p><strong>Scary: </strong>ah, yes that may prove problematic; I shall temporarily suspend you from the chat so you can focus your thoughts</p><p><strong>Horsey: </strong>hey now wait, you can do tha-</p><p><strong>Jester: </strong>and he's gone</p><p><strong>Innocent: </strong>seems he is</p><p><strong>Jester: </strong>hey killguywhatnot, do you have the mental capability (no insult intended) to add people not currently in a chat to a chat?</p><p><strong>Scary: </strong> <em>WHAT DID YOU JUST CALL ME?</em></p><p><strong>Innocent: </strong>lol</p><p><strong>Scary</strong>: precisely Mordred. and to answer your Gwaine question yes, since I added myself I can add others</p><p><strong>Jester: </strong>Great! Can you add Arthur? And then we pretend he's... I dunno, Leon or someone and see how long Merlin takes to realise?</p><p><strong>Innocent: </strong>you've gone mad</p><p><strong>Scary: </strong>he was already insane, it could hardly get worse</p><p><strong>Jester: </strong>no it's alright, I spoke with him a few days back, he's cool with it</p><p><strong>Scary: </strong>if you're sure...</p><p>
  <strong> <em>SCARY ADDED ARTHUR TO THE CHAT</em> </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Arthur: <em>WHAT THE DEVIL IS THIS??</em></strong>
</p><p><strong>Scary: </strong>Gwaine...</p><p><strong>Innocent: </strong>It's a mental group chat</p><p><strong>Jester: </strong>We're pranking Merlin!!</p><p><strong>Arthur: </strong>a <em>whodiwhatnow</em> and how do I help? Also who is everybody? Roll call?</p><p><strong>Innocent: </strong>Mordred</p><p><strong>Jester: </strong>Gwaine</p><p><strong>Scary: </strong>a friend</p><p><strong>Arthur: </strong>uh huh, so how does this prank work?</p><p><strong>Jester:</strong> you're going to pretend to be Leon, then we're going to see how long Merlin takes to realise it's you. Umm... where is Merlin by the way? Also what happened about the baby dragon?</p><p><strong>Arthur: </strong>Merlin can keep the dragon so long as he cleans my socks, polishes my armour and remembers to feed the darn thing. What's to say I won't just kill you all for conspiring against me anyway?</p><p>
  <strong>Innocent: <em>WHAT??</em></strong>
</p><p><strong>Arthur: </strong>well, this is obviously all part of some druidic rite...</p><p>
  <strong>Innocent: :'''0</strong>
</p><p><strong>Jester: </strong>oh well done Arthur; now you made poor, innocent Mordred sad </p><p><strong>Scary: </strong>my poor Grandson...</p><p><strong>Arthur: </strong>Mordred's your <em>Grandson</em>?</p><p><strong>Innocent: </strong>No I'm not related to him in any way whatsoever at all end of discussion</p><p>
  <strong>Arthur:<em> o-k...</em></strong>
</p><p><strong>Arthur: </strong>I was just kidding anyway</p><p><strong>Jester: </strong>...brilliant joke, princess</p><p><strong>Scary: </strong>Merlin's coming back!!!</p><p><strong>Innocent: </strong>wait, now?</p><p><strong>Scary: </strong>I can't stall him long!</p><p>
  <em> <strong>JESTER CHANGED ARTHUR'S CHAT NAME TO LEON</strong> </em>
</p><p><strong>Horsey: </strong>I'm back!</p><p><strong>Horsey: </strong>Wait Leon's here?!!</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Revelations (MERLIN'S GOT WHAT NOW?)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Uhhh.... Hi?<br/>I'm so sorry this is late, corona's got me stuck between schoolwork, schoolwork and more schoolwork recently; so I haven't had much time for writing. That and I've just been a little stuck on where this fic should go next.<br/>Again, I apologise for the delay and I hope to have another update out soon.<br/>-LowFlyingOctopus</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p><strong>Leon:</strong> Hello Merlin</p><p><strong>Horsey</strong><strong>: </strong>yo</p><p><strong>Horsey: </strong>So I was reading my magic book earlier</p><p><strong>Jester: </strong>Umm... Merlin...</p><p><strong>Horsey: </strong>and I found this really nice spell!</p><p><strong>Leon: </strong> <em>Incoherent sputtering</em></p><p><strong>Scary:</strong> Merlin....</p><p><strong>Innocent: </strong>Notgoodnotgoodnotgood</p><p><strong>Horsey: </strong>Are you alright Leon? That sounds like a nasty cough. Anyway, I tried it out and-</p><p><strong>Leon: </strong> <strong> <em>YOU HAVE MAGIC??</em> </strong></p><p><strong>Innocent: </strong>O_O</p><p><strong>Horsey: </strong>You know I have magic, Leon. How else did I make you immortal?</p><p><strong>Leon: </strong>O...Oh yeah... Of course....</p><p><strong>Innocent: </strong>This is either really good... or really bad</p><p><strong>Jester: </strong>I personally would vote for the former, but I've got a mace just in case</p><p><strong>Jester: </strong>Hey that rhymed!</p><p>
  <strong>Horsey: <em>SOMEONE GET GAIUS!!! I JUST FOUND ARTHUR ON THE FLOOR AND HE'S TURNING PURPLE!!!</em></strong>
</p><p><strong>Leon</strong>: No I'm fine Merlin, I'm just freaking out a- <strong>DARN IT!</strong></p><p><strong>Horsey: ... </strong>A.... Arthur?</p><p><strong>Leon: </strong>...Yes Merlin?</p><p><strong>Horsey: </strong>Why are you turning purple?</p><p><strong>Leon: </strong> <strong>BECAUSE IT'S NOT EVERY DAY MY BEST FRIE... SERVANT TELLS ME HE HAS MAGIC</strong></p><p><strong>Horsey: </strong>So... you're alright?</p><p><strong>Leon: </strong> <em>Perfectly fine, Merlin</em></p><p><strong>Innocent: </strong>I can practically taste the sarcasm...</p><p><strong>Jester:</strong> I can taste whiskey</p><p><strong>Leon: </strong>You shouldn't be drinking this early in the day, Gwaine</p><p><strong>Horsey: </strong>I don't suppose we can get back to the fact that I'm <strong>about to get burned alive???</strong></p><p><strong>Leon: </strong> Merlin, open a private chat</p><p><strong>Horsey: </strong>but...</p><p><strong>Leon: </strong>now.</p><p>
  <em> <span class="u">Private chat opened between Horsey and Leon</span> </em>
</p><p><strong>Leon:</strong> You are such a colossal idiot Merlin</p><p><strong>Leon: </strong>You came here and decided to become the frie- servant of <em>me, </em>King Uther's <em>son</em>.</p><p><strong>Horsey: </strong>I don't regret it Arthur, kill me if you wish</p><p><strong>Leon: </strong>I'm not going to kill you, Merlin</p><p><strong>Horsey:</strong> :D</p><p><strong>Leon: </strong>I'm not going to kill you because-</p><p><strong>Horsey: :</strong>D</p><p><strong>Leon:</strong> Are you alright Merlin?</p><p><strong>Horsey: </strong>:D</p><p><strong>Leon: </strong>... Idiot</p><p><strong>Horsey: :</strong>D</p><p><strong>Leon: </strong>You can go now, Merlin... e_e</p><p><strong>Horsey: </strong> :D</p><p>
  <em> <span class="u">Horsey left the chat</span> </em>
</p><p><strong>Leon: </strong>I won't kill you Merlin, because you are my friend</p><p>
  <span class="u"> <em>Leon left the chat</em> </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Please come back... Please?<br/>I have plans *Rubs hands together gleefully*</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. This Escalated</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>BEHOLD MY MADNESS.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p><strong>Horsey: </strong>We</p><p><strong>Leon: </strong>are</p><p><strong>Horsey: </strong>back!</p><p><strong>Scary: </strong>And all is well...</p><p><strong>Jester: </strong>I need to use my button!!</p><p>
  <span class="u">Jester changed Leon's name to Princess</span>
</p><p><strong>Princess:</strong> GWAINE</p><p><strong>Jester: </strong>Yes, Princess?</p><p><strong>Innocent: </strong>Why did I ever come to Camelot...</p><p><strong>Princess: </strong>I will hurt you!</p><p><strong>Leon: </strong>At least I have my name back</p><p><strong>Horsey: </strong>Is everyone here now??!</p><p><strong>Gwen:</strong> yes</p><p><strong>Innocent</strong><strong>: </strong>Ok hang on, if everyone's here I need to do mental hacking</p><p><strong>Elyan: </strong>You're hacking into our mentalities?!!</p><p><strong>Innocent: </strong>Only a little bit</p><p><strong>Scary: </strong>And they call me Scary...</p><p><strong>Leon: </strong>lol</p><p><strong>Scary: </strong>Precisely</p><p><strong>Horsey: </strong>Actually if everyone's here I want to change all out names to default, so it's less confusing</p><p><strong>Jester: </strong>But... My button!</p><p><strong>Horsey: </strong>Gwaine.</p><p><strong>Jester:</strong> I love my button!</p><p>
  <span class="u">Jester changed all nicknames to default</span>
</p><p><strong>Merlin: </strong>OI</p><p><strong>Gwaine: </strong>pppthibit</p><p><strong>Percival: </strong>was that a mental raspberry?</p><p><strong>Gwaine: </strong>yes, yes it was</p><p><strong>Mordred: </strong>I've done!</p><p><strong>Merlin: </strong>and what, exactly, did you do?</p><p><strong>Mordred: </strong>You should be able to shut the chat 'off' and 'on' when you want now and speak to one person directly on separate chats.</p><p><strong>Leon: </strong>Oh thank goodness... See ya.</p><p><strong>Elyan: </strong>yup, bye.</p><p><strong>Merlin:</strong> I feel insulted</p><p><strong>Kilgarrah: </strong>You realise you've given Merlin a way to ignore me again?</p><p><strong>Mordred: </strong>yes</p><p><strong>Mordred: </strong>Get over it</p><p><strong>Arthur: </strong>Mordred did you just roast your Grandfather?</p><p><strong>Mordred: </strong>He is <em>not </em>my Grandfather!</p><p><strong>Merlin: </strong>Surely that's exactly what someone denying the existence of their Grandfather would say?</p><p><strong>Leon: </strong>It's also exactly what someone who doesn't have a Grandfather would say</p><p><strong>Leon: </strong>If you think about it logically</p><p><strong>Mordred: </strong>I'm outta here. </p><p><strong>Merlin: </strong>it's normally Kilgarrah who does the roasting, anyway</p><p><strong>Arthur: </strong>Is he really that good at insults for an old dude?</p><p><strong>Merlin:</strong> No, he just likes fire.</p><p><strong>Arthur: </strong>Merlin</p><p><strong>Merlin: </strong>Arthur</p><p><strong>Arthur: </strong>Merlin!</p><p><strong>Merlin: </strong>Arthur!</p><p><strong>Arthur: </strong>MERLIN!</p><p><strong>Merlin: </strong>WHAT DO YOU WANT YOUR PRATTINESS??</p><p><strong>Arthur: </strong>Kilgarrah's a dragon, isn't he?</p><p><strong>Merlin: </strong>no</p><p><strong>Kilgarrah: </strong>I shall speak to you later, young warlock. For now I must go...</p><p><strong>Merlin: </strong>well he's a big help...</p><p><strong>Arthur: </strong>He's the same dragon I killed a while back isn't he?</p><p><strong>Merlin: </strong>You mean the dragon you barely sliced before you fell unconscious?</p><p><strong>Merlin:</strong> the dragon which mysteriously vanished when it died?</p><p><strong>Merlin: </strong>and I was mysteriously the only person left conscious?</p><p><strong>Merlin: </strong>and you now know that I'm a warlock. Though you possibly don't know I'm a dragonlord and Balinor was my father.</p><p>
  <strong>Arthur: :/</strong>
</p><p><strong>Merlin: </strong>yeah, that dragon</p><p><strong>Arthur: </strong>I didn't know you could rant...</p><p><strong>Merlin: </strong>I think there's quite possibly a few things you don't know about me</p><p><strong>Arthur: </strong>I've realised that</p><p><strong>Arthur: </strong>One thing I do know, however</p><p><strong>Merlin: </strong>yes?</p><p><strong>Arthur: </strong>we can mess with my Father soooo much</p><p><strong>Merlin: </strong>that's the best thing I've heard all week :D</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. The Spiders</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I am planning on updating much more regularly from now on and I have many notes/ideas for  future chapters. I promise.<br/>However I will also be back in school full time from next week so.... We'll play it by ear.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p><strong>Arthur: </strong>Merlin</p><p><strong>Merlin: </strong>yes, your prattiness?</p><p><strong>Arthur: </strong>We're going hunting. Prepare the horses.</p><p><strong>Merlin: </strong>Where are we hunting?</p><p><strong>Arthur: </strong>You know those woods with the druids?</p><p><strong>Merlin: </strong>the ones who worship me or the ones that tried to burn us alive?</p><p><strong>Arthur: </strong>The latter.</p><p><strong>Merlin: </strong>I hate you.</p><hr/><p><strong>Merlin: </strong>GWAINE!</p><p><strong>Merlin: </strong>WAKE UP!</p><p><strong>Gwaine: </strong>What? I was dreaming about buttons...</p><p><strong>Merlin: </strong>Arthur's taking us hunting</p><p><strong>Gwaine: </strong>where?</p><p><strong>Merlin: </strong>The woods with the druids</p><p><strong>Gwaine: </strong>The ones that tried to burn us alive???</p><p><strong>Merlin: </strong>three times, they tried to burn us alive three times.</p><p><strong>Merlin: </strong>then they tried to drown us.</p><p><strong>Merlin: </strong>which, as it is at completely the other end of the sacrificial spectrum is probably not as ritually sound as the first three attempts at homicide.</p><p><strong>Gwaine: </strong>you ok mate?</p><p><strong>Merlin: </strong>if I don't make it back, tell my Mother I loved her.</p><hr/><p><strong>Gaius: </strong>Merlin are you out hunting with Arthur?</p><p><strong>Merlin: </strong>Just got back, wassup?</p><p><strong>Gaius: </strong>How'd it go?</p><p><strong>Merlin: </strong>Terribly.</p><p><strong>Merlin: </strong>This time they tried to poison us.</p><p><strong>Gaius: </strong>did they succeed?</p><p><strong>Merlin: </strong>Umm... Hello? Still alive here.</p><p><strong>Gaius: </strong>oh good you can clean my leech tank.</p><p><strong>Merlin: </strong>GAIUS I CAN BARELY SEE STRAIGHT.</p><p><strong>Gaius: </strong>The leeches won't clean themselves.</p><p><strong>Merlin: </strong>I need to sleep.</p><p><strong>Arthur: </strong>Merlin run me a bath.</p><p><strong>Merlin: </strong>AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA</p><hr/><p><strong>Mordred:</strong> Emrys</p><p><strong>Merlin: </strong>WHAT</p><p><strong>Mordred: </strong>is there something wrong?</p><p><strong>Merlin: </strong>...no, what do you want oh druidic irritant of Camelot?</p><p><strong>Mordred: </strong>Arthur is screaming. Thought you might want to know.</p><p><strong>Merlin: </strong>naturally that can mean only one of three things.</p><p>
  <strong>Mordred: ?</strong>
</p><p><strong>Merlin: </strong>One - he might want me.</p><p><strong>Merlin: </strong>two - there might be something wrong.</p><p><strong>Merlin: </strong>Three - there might be a spider in his bath.</p><p><strong>Mordred: </strong>He's scared of spiders?</p><p><strong>Merlin: </strong>It's the best-kept secret since I told everyone about my magic.</p><p><strong>Mordred: </strong>lol</p><p><strong>Kilgarrah:</strong> YES I TOTALLY AGREE</p><p><strong>Merlin: </strong>o.e</p><hr/><p><strong>Arthur: </strong> <em>MERLIN!!</em></p><p><strong>Merlin: </strong>yes, sire?</p><p><strong>Arthur: </strong> <em>THERE'S SPIDERS CRAWLING OUT MY BATH!!</em></p><p><strong>Arthur: </strong>A<em>RMIES OF NEVER-ENDING SPIDERS.</em></p><p><strong>Merlin: </strong>I'm sure your only exaggerating- oh.</p><p><strong>Merlin: </strong>I never thought she would actually do it.</p><p>
  <strong>Arthur: </strong>
  <em>THAT WHO WOULD DO WHAT???????</em>
</p><p><strong>Merlin: </strong>That Morgana would find a spider spell for Camelot.</p><p><strong>Arthur: </strong>Merlin they're going to the throne room.</p><p><strong>Merlin: </strong>and the kitchen and the armoury.</p><p><strong>Arthur: </strong>And the servants quarters and the courtyard.</p><p>
  <strong>Gwaine: WHAT IS HAPPENING I WAS SLEEPING AND I WOKE UP AND THERE ARE SPIDERS UP MY NOSE?????????</strong>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. The Button-Apocalypse</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Updates may slow down or the next ew weeks as I have to prepare for assessments for my Scottish National's Qualifications.<br/>Sorry! However I will be working on notes and ideas so have a few chapters sorted by the end of May, I will update as often as I am able.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p><strong>Gwaine</strong>: MERLIN</p><p><strong>Gwaine: </strong>I FOUND MORE MENTAL BUTTONS</p><p><strong>Gwaine: </strong>MANY, MANY MORE BUTTONS</p><p><strong>Merlin: </strong>No Gwaine</p><p><strong>Gwaine: </strong>But they're so beautiful</p><p><strong>Merlin: </strong>No.</p><p><strong>Gwaine: </strong>But I-</p><p><strong>Merlin: </strong>No.</p><p><strong>Gwaine: </strong>MERLIN I PRESSED A BUTTON!!!</p><p>
  <span class="u">Respawn has activated</span>
</p><p><strong>Lancelot: </strong>Did I miss anything?</p><p>
  <strong>Merlin: x_x</strong>
</p><p><strong>Gwaine: </strong>Merlin has magic!!</p><p><strong>Lancelot: </strong>I already knew that</p><p><strong>Gwaine: </strong>YOU KNEW TOO?</p><hr/><p><strong>Gaius: </strong>What's this I hear about Lancelot having a respawn button?!!</p><p><strong>Merlin: </strong>It's all Gwaine's fault</p><p><strong>Gaius: </strong>you know that if someone comes back from the dead, someone else must die in its place</p><p><strong>Merlin: </strong>I accidentally stepped on a snail earlier</p><p><strong>Gaius: </strong>That'll do it</p><hr/><p><strong>Elyan: </strong>Hey guys?</p><p><strong>Elyan: </strong>Did you hear Lancelot is back?</p><p><strong>Elyan: </strong>something about a respawn button... and Gwaine</p><p><strong>Leon: </strong>Oh... Oh no...</p><p><strong>Percival: </strong>HE'S BACK?!</p><p><strong>Ghostalot: </strong> <em>Hi everyone</em></p><p><strong>Elyan: </strong>WHAT THE HECK</p><p><strong>Percival: </strong>Leon full-out just screamed like a little girl</p><p><strong>Leon: </strong>I did not!</p><p><strong>Ghostalot: </strong> <em>what's the matter?</em></p><p><strong>Percival: </strong>Be gone, oh ghost of ghostliness!</p><p><strong>Ghostalot: </strong> <em>Ghost?</em></p><p><strong>Ghostalot: </strong> <em>Hang on...</em></p><p><strong>Ghostalot: </strong> <em>MERLIN!!!!</em></p><hr/><p><strong>Ghostalot: </strong> <em>MERLIN</em></p><p><strong>Merlin: </strong>something wrong, Lance? </p><p><strong>Ghostalot: </strong> <em>You know darn well something's wrong</em></p><p><strong>Merlin: </strong>I mean... you've gotta admit it was funny...</p><p><strong>Ghostalot: </strong> <em>Merlin.</em></p><p><strong>Merlin: </strong>Who knew Sir Leon had such a feminine scream?</p><p><strong>Ghostalot: </strong> <em>MERLIN.</em></p><p><strong>Merlin: </strong>I'm all ears</p><p><strong>Ghostalot: </strong> <em>Fi</em><em>x. It.</em></p><p><strong>Merlin: </strong>darn knights ruining all my fun...</p><p><strong>Lancelot: </strong>thank you</p><hr/><p><strong>Mordred: </strong>Hey Gwaine...</p><p><strong>Gwaine: </strong>Hello?</p><p><strong>Mordred: </strong>I found another button...</p><p><strong>Gwaine: </strong>:D</p><p><strong>Mordred: </strong>Would you like to do the honours?</p><p><strong>Gwaine: </strong>YESYESYESYESYESYES</p><p><strong>Mordred: </strong>Mental keyboard, third button on the right. It's red.</p><p><strong>Gwaine: </strong>It says: "do not press"</p><p><strong>Mordred: </strong>go on.</p><p><strong>Mordred: </strong>press it.</p><p><strong>Mordred: </strong>you know you want to.</p><p><strong>Gwaine: </strong>IT'S TALKING TO ME</p><p><strong>Mordred: </strong>what's it saying?</p><p><strong>Gwaine: </strong>IT'S TRYING TO PURSUADE ME NOT TO PRESS IT</p><p><strong>Gwaine: </strong>BUT IT IS A STRANGELY ADDICTIVE ACTIVITY</p><p><strong>Gwaine: </strong>OH WAIT...</p><p><strong>Gwaine: </strong>OH NO...</p><p>
  <span class="u">The World Has Been Nuked By Gwaine's Love Of Buttons</span>
</p><p>
  <span class="u">Respawn Has Activated</span>
</p><p><strong>Merlin: </strong>GWAINE</p><p><strong>Lancelot: </strong>WHAT THE HECK JUST HAPPENED????</p><p><strong>Elyan: </strong>WE WERE DEAD</p><p><strong>Leon: </strong>AND THEN WE WEREN'T </p><p><strong>Arthur: </strong>Everyone just shut up.</p><p><strong>Arthur: </strong>Gwaine, what do you have to say for yourself?</p><p><strong>Gwaine: </strong>...I pressed another button...</p><p>
  <span class="u">Gwaine Has Activated Mental Autocorrect</span>
</p><p><strong>Arthur: </strong>ARC YOU'LL KITTEN MICE?</p><p><strong>Merlin:</strong> AUTHOR HELLO MEEP!!!</p><p><strong>Lancelot: </strong> Kelp meep a game....</p><hr/><p><strong>Merlin: </strong>Penguin.</p><p><strong>Gwaine: </strong>yes, Merlin?</p><p><strong>Merlin: </strong>Hoe you'll spank the norm?</p><p><strong>Gwaine: </strong>How am I speaking normally?</p><p><strong>Merlin: </strong>Yellow</p><p><strong>Gwaine: </strong>I pressed another button</p><p><strong>Merlin: </strong>!!!!!!!!</p><p><strong>Gwaine: </strong>It was Mordred's fault, by the way.</p><p><strong>Merlin </strong>?</p><p><strong>Gwaine: </strong>The world getting nuked, that is</p><p>
  <span class="u">Merlin Deactivated His Mental Autocorrect</span>
</p><p><strong>Merlin: </strong>Well the dragon'll be pleased...</p><p><strong>Merlin: </strong>The prophecy has been fulfilled</p><p><strong>Merlin: </strong>I guess we can trust him now</p><p><strong>Kilgarrah: </strong>MEALWORM DONUT BEE SOUP SLIPPY!!</p><p><strong>Merlin: </strong>lol</p>
  </div></div>
</body>
</html>